Conflict Resolution

Colossians 3
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. 13 Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord[f] has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ[g] rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ[h] dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God.[i] 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Ephesians 2
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God— 9 not the result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we may walk in them.
The Seminary was secret, in fact it was forbidden. Their leader and main professor had been labeled an enemy of the state and pacifist. And as a result, had been forced out of his teaching position at the University of Berlin. So instead, he decided to open a seminary. First, he had to secure funding. That problem was soon fixed with the help of Ruth von Kleist-Retzow. And she remanded a good friend to him and the other professors and his students and at times they would take refuge on her estate. Eventually the head of the seminary fell in love with Ruth’s granddaughter Maria. And Maria and Dietrich Bonhoeffer became engage about 3 months before his arrest.
The seminary was only open for 2 years before it was closed down in September 1937 by the Gestapo, and in November, 27 professors and former students were arrested. Dietrich Bonhoffer, the seminary founder wasn’t round up in those arrests. In fact, he spent another two years traveling in secret from one eastern German village to another running a “seminary on the run.” He would go and visit and teach his students who were illegally serving as Pastors in small parishes around Germany. Many of them were part of the resistant movement.
In 1938 Bonhoeffer was banned from Berlin, so in the summer of 1939 it moved to Sigurdshof, but in March 1940 the Gestapo shut down the seminary for good. When it was going Dietrich liked to have his students debate if G-d would be okay with breaking the commandment, “Thou shall not kill,” if it could save thousands of lives. For Dietrich and Maria, this wasn’t simply a theological lesson, but something they were struggling and wrestling with. Because they were part of a secret group that was trying to kill Hitler with a bomb. (https://www.liquisearch.com/dietrich_bonhoeffer/finkenwalde_seminary)
Perhaps, you are wondering what this secret seminary has to do with our Bible verses about grace. Well, what Dietrich discovered was that even though he fully believed in the call and work of this secret seminary- living in such close quarters with other Christians wasn’t always easy. In fact, it could be downright hard. So, during this time he wrote about the theological struggle behind loving but struggling with other Christians and he entitled the book, Life Together. Dietrich Bonhoffer has written a lot of wonderful books but some of them are pretty thick and can feel a bit intimidating, but if you would like to read one of his books and haven’t before- I encourage you to try Life Together.
He writes,
“The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian Community
As well as;
“A Christian fellowship lives and exists by the intercession of its members for one another, or it collapses. I can no longer condemn or hate a brother for whom I pray, no matter how much trouble he causes me. His face, that hitherto may have been strange and intolerable to me, is transformed in intercession into the countenance of a brother for whom Christ died, the face of a forgiven sinner.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian Community
Let’s be honest, sometimes the people we struggle with the most are others in the faith. We expect them to know better. We think if they “really are” a Christian they wouldn’t act this way. They wouldn’t bother me like this when they might be thinking the same thing about you. And yes, sometimes Christians do things that make being in community hard; being manipulative, or gossipy, stubborn, or arrogant, not treating their fellow siblings in Christ as equals… but when these things do happen they give us an opportunity to talk it out, forgive and find grace and move forward. This is why we have a Communication and Conflict Resolution Policy based on scripture here at our Church. Scripture such as,
Matthew 18:15-17, which reads;
15 “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. 16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
But the sad truth is, Churches believe in grace and forgiveness, but at times Christians can struggle to really live this out. To embody this grace.
Zach and I have been watching this show on Hulu recently entitled Graceland. And it actually filmed from 2013 to 2015, and ran for just 3 seasons- but we recently discovered it this fall. And the premise of Graceland is that a group of under cover agents from the DEA, and FBI all live together in a Southern California on beach front property. And the reason that they have this house is that it used to be owned by a big drug dealer who was obsessed with Elvis. And when the house was originally taken over and confiscated by the FBI it was filled with Elvis memorabilia which they eventually cleared out but they continued to call it Graceland. Well as the series goes on, it is clear that these good guys are all seriously flawed people, and they need grace in their lives and their relationships with each other. They are manipulative, drug dependency issues, betrayal, issues of honesty. Sometimes for the greater good and other times not.
In season 3, one of the houses members, an agent named Paige betrays another agent named Mike, which leads to him being shot and eventually developing an opioid addiction. Mike forgives Paige and offers her grace but she struggles to accept that grace and forgive herself. A particularly heartbreaking scene is when all the housemates come together to have an intervention for Mike. And Mike responds by lashing out and hurting his housemates, and yet they still offer him grace. We are going to watch a clip from it, and if you are watching from home, I can’t include the video clip in this stream because of copywrite issues- but I have included the links to where you can watch the clips on youtube. In the show it is one continual clip but on youtube it is broken into two clips.
(to Charlie comforting him in his room).


Clip: Graceland Bon Voyage- Season 3, Episode 8. 19:58 start – to Charlie leaving
We see the need for grace and the way it is offered to Mike. And in the Church community, it’s not typically quite as dramatic or intense as that clip, but the principle is the same.
We see how they offer Mike grace in Graceland even after he has hurt them. He obviously needed grace- even though he struck out at them- they still meet him and offer him grace. We all need grace; we are dependent on love and grace and mercy- even when it’s hard. Even when people have hurt us in this sacred space. But where is a better place to practice love and forgiveness, than here in this place- in this Graceland. This can be so hard, because we have to vulnerable with ourselves and with others. We have to be willing to struggle through these feelings, we have to be honest about our own short comings and weaknesses and be able to tell another when they’ve hurt us.
On a few occasions as a Pastor someone will ask to talk to me and say how I might have hurt their feelings or I did something that frustrated them. And it would be so easy to instantly be put on the defensive. But I have to remember that it took this person courage to come and name a hurt of frustration. And as long as we can talk it out respectfully and calmly- I discover that we are entering into sacred ground. And if I don’t think we can do it respectfully I might ask another elder to join the conversation. But I’ve never regrated having one of these conversations. I am thankful when we live out how the Bible tells us to deal with conflict and how we as a Church are committed not to triangulating things. I’ve never regrated apologizing for my short comings, or having one of these conversations- I’ve only ever regrated when they didn’t happen. And I am always so thankful to receive grace and forgiveness or offer grace and forgiveness to another. It’s sacred ground, it’s grace-land. And it’s redeeming. If you would ever like me to help moderate a conversation between you and another Church member, I am honored to. Let us live into our call-even when it’s not easy- let use remain committed to being a place of grace and humility- not just outside our walls but in them as well.
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God— 9 not the result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we may walk in them. Thanks be to G-d.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ie7GSMcP-nk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIapQd9-Qjg